Dire Clandestine: The Tale of Quixotic Love Affair
by The Inflated Taco
Summary: The union of the infamous Capt. Jack Sparrow and a nameless prostitute birthed a vindictive, ravenous young girl named Catalonìa. Under all fateful circumstances she somehow manages to fall for the one thing she could never have-her father’s best friend.
1. The Commencement

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**.Dire Clandestine: The Tale of a Quixotic Love Affair**

_by: The Inflated Taco_

**o1: The Commencement **

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**-1710-**

**-**

Soon this will all be over, and never again shall I have to set foot in this damned town again.

Catalonìa Valadez stood alone, watching as the men piled dirt into the grave. The jagged pieces of her so-called-life had been nailed shut in that pine box never to reach her again. She watched without emotion until the last clot of dirt had been shoveled. She had felt nothing-not the least bit saddened by the loss.

She wouldn't give _her_ the satisfaction of mourning, so she held it all away. Catalonìa lifted her chin, denying the fresh grave before her and did the only thing she saw appropriate.

Smiled.

Smiled at the fact she knew now she was free of the self-seeking woman who had kept her bound to this wretched life. As she thought this, she gripped a chain made of fools gold which hung around her neck. And with a yank she was broke through the last thing that tied her to her homeland. She looked down at the chain that lay across he palm and remembered the spiteful woman who had given it to her. "This chain will shine brighter off of me and on your grave", Catalonìa thought. A vicious grin snaked its way across her lips as she tossed the chain onto the grave and then fingered the new piece that lay at her collar.

A large white heart-shaped diamond that emitted something other than modishness… a new beginning. It had been a gift from the strangest man she had ever thought could exist. That strange man could open the door to many new things. And that man was none other than the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow.

**-**

**-1718-**

**-**

Never in his life had he ever seen the night sky appear so sad. The only trace of the moon was a blurred silver crescent hiding behind the clouds weeping. It wouldn't have mattered if the night's light had disappeared completely because the notorious Black Pearl would still have its black sails proudly hoisted in the bleak nothingness sailing towards whatever challenge came its way.

Captain Jack Sparrow stood on a platform looking down proudly at his crew as they bustled about the deck; keeping the boat in working order, keeping the ship in a somewhat sanitary condition or whatever other things a pirate might do to keep a boat running.

As the ship sailed he couldn't help but being somewhat anxious about the next stop the ship would be making. It was a port off in the British Isles known to most as Port Royale; the home to one of the worlds worst pirates ever. He wondered what Will was doing now. Probably still a blacksmith and now a happily married man of 3 years to the lovely Elizabeth Swann, no doubt.

"Ahh- Jack, the heavens have refused to shine us any moon light. Selfish she is tonight, ey?" a low voice grunted from behind him.

Only Mr. Gibbs.

Jack pursed his lips as he looked up at the sky, "It would appear so…but what do we care? The Pearl will slice through the darkness as though it where a mere loaf o' bread!" he declared somewhat smugly.

"I dunno' Jack", the older man said shaking his head.

Jack knew that to Mr. Gibbs nearly any little quandary would end up turning out to be a sign of bad luck. Constant fallacies are ensured when one stays in Singapore with all the gypsies and witches for long periods of time.

"Bad omen?" Jack questioned with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Aye!" then he looked up dumbly, "How did ye' know, Jack?"

"Call it intuition if ye' will" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows suspiciously.

Time lapsed, and the clouds had begun to shift letting in more of the night's luminosity. They had stood in silence till Gibbs spoke, "The Pearl's to port at Royale I hear?"

It had been more of a statement to break the silence, than an actual question. A lazy smile formed on Jack's lips as he was reminded of this, "Yes, I was off to see an old retired pirate. Great comrade of mine"

"Going off to see Bootstrap's boy?"

"Yup, worst pirate ever…spitting image of his pa' I must say. Tis' like Bootstrap's reflection peering right back at us." Jack laughed.

Another pause.

"I wasn't around last time The Pearl forayed about Port Royale." Mr. Gibbs said, "There will be a next time for that run of the mill port won't there? Indian goods are moving around those seaports this time o' year"

Jack knew that looting Will's fatherland probably wouldn't be the most kind, but a pirate's passion fore _more_ coursed through his veins.

"Foraying shall be happening tomorrow night, ye' have me word on it- but pirate with a wee bit o' mercy- Gots' to let those scallywags stretch their legs a bit and spook those damned toadies." he muttered dismissing Gibbs with a toss of his hand as he headed towards the cabins.

When he neared the cabins he immediately saw _her_ standing on a stool, attempting to turn off the lamp that hung by her bedroom door. She wasn't too hard to miss on a ship filled with unruly pirates; dressed in a soft, white, frilly sleeping gown which swathed around her feet making her look like the little 7 year old girl he fell in love with.

"Catalonìa!" he called out opening his arms, "Whatever is ye' doing? Tis' nearly daybreak."

"I was awoken by this ninny of a light shining on my eyes," she complained, pouting out her poochy lips.

The change of both her appearance and personality in the past 8 years was hardly unnoticeable. No longer was the hair like a nest of wiry twigs on her head, but a dark blanket of sleek, straight locks that hung freely on her shoulders. It had become that way from the constant combing. And her complexion was slightly darker due to her heritage but it wasn't an utter russet color because she hardly ventured outdoors without her parasol.

"Would you like to accompany me to Port Royale…to visit an old acquaintance?" Jack questioned. Had he said that? Why ever would he have wanted her to go in the first place? So she wouldn't be alone. So she'd have somewhere to go, he knew that.

"Of coarse I do father-" her eyes where a light earthy color. Never would they change from that dazzling auburn tone. After all those other physical changes her eyes still stared our proudly without penitence. She strode past him back into the room, peeking out through the slightly open door, "See you tomorrow morning"

**-**

**-**

**-**

She wasn't there when he got home.

He had gone upstairs into their room where he was greeted by the luggage that was stacked up on the bed they had once shared. One glance into the open closet revealed all of his garments gone.

Every trace of his existence had been packed away.

On top of the baggage sat a coiled up slip of paper which he opened with almost immediate regret:

_William Turner,_

_Forgiveness is the only thing I hope to receive from you for I know what I did was morally wrong but you must understand, that during that time I wasn't in a right state of mind. What I also do know is that what we do need is a break from each other to rethink our situation. Once both of us are lucid about this we shall be able to continue out life together. Till then it would be most best if you where to stay at an inn for my shame is too great and I fear I could not face you._

_Elizabeth Swann_

As he finished the note the image of Elizabeth's sweet face came burning into the back of his eyes. Why? Why did she have to go off with that blasted Commodore? He could forgive her…he knew he would have. If only she had stayed he would've never ever even have brought it up so that only they could continue living together with their love. She had broken a lovers vow, but he didn't care because without her he knew he was nothing.

His vision had begun to blur and he knew no matter how hard he tried to push the tears down they'd still come pouring down. Right now he wanted nothing more than to run off looking down the dusty streets of Port Royale and bury himself into his precious Elizabeth.

But this was only a wish.

Instead he walked over to the bed picked up the suitcases remembering his pride and walked out the front door. He was off to the docks to port the soonest ship out of Port Royale.

**-**

**-**

**-**


	2. First Meetings

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**.Dire Clandestine: The Tale of a Quixotic Love Affair**

_by: The Inflated Taco_

**o2: First Meetings **

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**-**

**-**

The day had started boringly. The instant her eyes skimmed down the harbor into the cities dusty streets she knew that merely going through the trouble of waking was a waste of time. After all the talk her father went on about _Port Royale_, she half expected something on the scale of a small London town not a stop for merchants on their way back from the Indian shores.

The Black Pearl had stopped at a cove where it would remain hidden till nightfall when it would surely make its presence known. Catalonìa stood by her father, one hand curled around his arm, the other was holding a heavily decorated parasol upright. They had taken a rowboat from the cove, along with Mr. Gibbs and some other nameless pirates who had left them to go off to the nearest pub. Once Jack had paid off the docking manager for the boat's fare they began to slowly walk down the harbor isle examining the other ships floating unguarded in the quay. The conversation they where holding was light and fickle but it allowed time to slip past them.

A few bothersome voices from behind them ceased their conversation" I know that voice-!" Jack murmured with slight realization.

Catalonìa turned, as she saw whom it was her father seemed to recall one eyebrow jutted up and her mouth couldn't help but slide to the side in displeasure. It was a man seeming to almost plea with the docking manager with stacks of luggage at his feet. He held his head slouched as though unsure of many things and his face was twisted in a mixture of exposure. From the style of his frocks one could easily label him as to being employed in a black-collar job-which to her was nothing to be too pleased with. His coffee toned hair was idly tied back, but some strands had managed to free themselves, covering his bright eyes. He appeared horribly unkempt and his facial hair was unruly. But still the man was peculiarly handsome.

Jack's eyes scanned the man up and down with a look of almost unbelief, "I dun believe it…" he murmured half to himself grabbing onto his daughter and dragging her off to the other end of the dock.

It was then the other man noticed them. He blinked unthinkingly once or twice before abandoning his bags and coming up to greet them.

"Jack? Could that really be you? Wow…it's been so long" the man gasped in bewilderment.

After he said this Jack let her go and pulled the poor unsuspecting man into a tight embrace, "Too long I fear!"

"It has been" the man said nodding his head in agreement, "So who's this?' he questioned pointing towards Catalonìa. She still held her dismayed look at him. Had they seriously come all this way for this little bug? Imagine- when France was only a few isles away…

"This lovely, fresh piece of girl?" Jack questioned in a jesting voice as he grabbed onto her arm, pushing her before the strange man, "Is Catalonìa Valadez **Sparrow**!"

Astonishment splashed itself all over the strangers face "You married? But she's a little too young-don't you think?"

Was this man as blind as he was rubbish? Could he truly not see the resemblance? She inclined her chin, looking up at him through partly closed eyes and smiled with false courtesy, "No. I'm his daughter. And just who might you be kind sir?"

He bowed showing his manners and politely spoke, " I'm William Turner. I justly am most obliged to meet you milady"

It was Jack who broke their talk with a clap of his hands, "Well its just fine and dandy to know everyone's been acquainted -shall we move on?"

"He doesn't look like a pirate too me, more like a mere sea merchant" she huffed as she looked William over.

"Well, I'm not really a pirate…I was for a little over a month though", he muttered as he scratched his head trying to appear humble. 'Sensational! A pirate for 2 whole weeks. No-! Not possibly a descendant of Black Beard _this _was a great, father of all pirates-for A MONTH! Outrageous!' she thought with a quick roll of her eyes which only Will seemed to have noticed.

"No deary luv, he's a pirate" Jack stated as he put one hand over his belt strap, "He's been a very willing accomplice in many pirating behaviors. Shall I only name a few?"

Before giving either a second to object he answered his own question, "Where to begin Will? For starters he's fanatical about gold! Not enough? Well, he also liberated-a very handsome, dangerously fierce pirate from jail and he's commandeered a ship of the armada. Now if that doesn't make a pirate then we're just all a bunch of sacks of swine muck aren't we?"

"But father, that's not very different than what any other pirate might do-", she persisted with an uninterested spin of her sun sunshade.

"That's positively true deary but…he helped recapture back the Pearl, he managed to get his way out of the Flying Dutchman and lived the horrors of Davey Jones!" Jack said with a boom, which seized the dispute. Now that made a great pirate.

"Fine" she bluntly said lowly as she gave Will a twitch of he eyebrow.

"So Jack what brings you here?", Will asked changing the conversation inelegantly. Catalonìa too looked at her father in question.

"Simple as lovely Indian rugs- sell for loads in Europe ye' know?" he avowed before looking up at Will, "And then there's the business of the once in a lifetime summons I'm about to ask of ye'"

Catalonìa looked at him in a dazed sort of way…there was no way in hell…

"William Turner I hereby request that you join me aboard the Pearl as my 1st mate-well sort of, second in line to Gibbs anyway-but if you refuse chances are we won't meet again for many, many years. Hell! Chances are probably never…Mizzes Swann's welcome too of course…or is it now Mrs. Turner?" he inquired with an impish smirk.

…there was a way…

When Jack had said that Will looked hurt and his eyes seemed distant. Catalonìa could immediately tell that whoever this Swann was had flown off and broken this poor little baby's heart. Boo-hoo

"No Jack I don't think she's a Mrs. Turner anymore, perhaps a Norrington but not a Turner" he sighed checking the towns clock, 10 till 2. He shifted his eyes back to Jack, "About your offer I must say I'm-"

"ACHOO!" sneezed the girl, dropping her parasol on the ground. Both men looked at the girl who had made that big noise. With an apologetic smile she said in a wiry voice peering at Will through pompous eyes "I'm sorry, it's just I'm allergic to dogs and it seems that there must be one in our midst"

"Wha…deary there ain't no dogs…", Jack said in a sluggish voice, twisting his head about in search of the dog.

Will knew the statement was directed at him and gave her a solemn sort of smile. "No, no father trust me there's a dog", she said bluntly, turning her head away as though something remote caught her attention. If only he knew the effect his presence had on her. Just knowing that there was someone else out there who could steal away her father's affections like that made her boil with spite. Already he spent only a few minutes of his day with her. The last few minutes of the day before he decided to go off with the rest of the crew to get exceedingly drunk. And she didn't really like it when men drank; it made them horribly unbearable and stupid.

This man seemed more important than Mr. Gibbs. It was the way Jack looked at him, with an identical eye, passion.

"As I was saying Jack, I would feel most appreciative to …take your offer "Will said hesitantly. He could feel the young girl's scorn and seemed unsure as of what to say next. From the instant he noticed the way she carried herself he knew that she was proud and chances where if he where to survive on that ship she'd need some getting used to.

**-**

**-**

**-**


	3. Scandalous Salutations

**-**

**.Dire Clandestine: The Tale of a Quixotic Love Affair**

_by: The Inflated Taco_

**o3: Scandalous Salutations **

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**-**

**-**

"What do you think of this one?"

"Uhm… I-I…"

"Look at how low the top is, honestly… I love it!"

"I dun' think yer' pa would appr-"

"Oh, puh-lease!" she muttered, rolling her eyes as she loaded more lingerie and other nameless clothing into Tucker's arms. Two hours had gone by, and the only thing Catalonìa found interesting to do on this blasted port was shop. Catalonìa was furious, that damned idiot had run off eloping with her father to do got knows what, which left her alone with only Tucker for company. Well, he wasn't exactly company- more like a required escort. Her father required her to have a guard with her at all times when she was gone from the ship, all due to the fact that she was an innocent, defenseless young girl of course.

Not that she was complaining, he was nineteen- only a few years older than her and he was the only piece of eye-candy aboard the ship. His eyes looked so boyish and innocent, as though all the crookedness of pirating had not yet stolen it. The corn-silk strands where tied back in a blithe knot, the blue sailor shirt and rugged taupe trousers he wore only added to his shoddy seadog appearance. He also made for a good pack-mule.

He looked down at the young girl who was scrutinizing a pair of fishnet stockings. With a flick of her wrists they where stacked up with all the other clothes he carried. She looked up at him with a blasé look, "Has my father spoke of that disgraceful townie to you?"

"No Capt'n Jack hasn't said nuthin' ter' me but- I've heard things" he said softly as he shifted his gaze, feeling himself blush.

"Oh?" she questioned in a sort of uninterested tone. Tucker looked down as he felt his breathing quicken.

"Tis' not in me place to gossip like a homey housewife"

Silence.

She stopped shifting through the racks, and looked up at him with bedroom eyes sinister enough to make his breathing stop. She was irritated that he even had the nerve to hold anything back from her- after all she'd done for him.

Tucker tried to turn away again, walk backwards in hope of escape but he felt his back touch the wall and he let himself go and knew there was nothing he could do. He was gone in the way her eyes danced seductively and demanded reverence. He was frightened of her, and she loved that.

Anything she wanted…

**-**

**-Will's Point of View-**

**-**

Jack had told me I'd find her here- just look for the most high-priced, flashy boutique, he said. He'd had wanted to have lunch like a happy family. Only he said he wanted to stay at the tavern with the rest of the pirates and wait for me to come back with her because with his swollen feet there was no way he could walk much more. Sure enough, I heard her voice speaking in a low mumbles towards the end of the shop. I would have screamed out her name to alert her of my presence, but the bundles of lingerie and other countless unmentionables that rubbed up against me as I walked down the isles quieted me down in utter discomfiture. A man should never find himself dead in a shop like this… not alone, at least.

My face was already at its reddest when I finally reached her, and by the time I was actually in view of her my face must have been the hue of a tomato crimson enough to burst. Why must I have to be the witness of this?

Jack's daughter had some young boy pinned against the wall, the only thing keeping them apart was a bundle of clothes which he held shakily in his arms. She raised a hand up to his neck, running long painted nails over his stubbled skin. The clothes he held were instantly dropped and I heard him slightly whine from where I stood.

"After everything I do for you and you hold back little hear-says like that from me? Something so trivial" she spat as her fingers firmly grabbed his chin, jerking it quickly to the side so that she could bring her lips up to his ear, "Did I not let you hide in my chambers when my father was hunting you down after you stole a few gold pesos?"

His face was bent with a questionable pleasure, "Yes you did m'lady." he shuddered as she breathed more vindictive questions into his ear.

I couldn't believe it, she seemed to be both training and scolding him like a dog. And he was enjoying it.

The boy then suddenly snapped, seizing her arms and turning her around so swiftly her back thumped into the wall. The expression on her face was not that of shock, but annoyance, "Get off me you dog"

And that was when someone from behind me shoved me off to the side sending me off stumbling forward with an "oof-"

"What the hell do ye' think yer' doin', boy?"

There was no mistaking that voice.

"And you Will- you're just standing there like a bloody bump on a log, come on!"

Jack seized the boy by his collar and glared menacingly into his pale face.

Then _she _spoke up "Oh, daddy I begged him to leave me alone" big crocodile tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head. Even though she seemed to care and feel sorry for the boy, I could tell that she was faking it but it seemed as though Jack couldn't tell how she was playing him.

"You know what lad?" Jack grinned seeming to ignore his daughter's pleas, "I think perhaps I'll finally get around to marooning yer' sorry hide; the weather around the Caribbean islands is lovely around this time of year. I'm sure ye'd luv it"

By now the shop keeper and a few other customers had come to see what all the ruckus was about. I heard them mumble something about pirates and how someone should immediately inform the naval officers of their presence before they harmed the poor girl who was crying.

Catalonìa too must have heard them because her tears immediately ceased, "Daddy, please don't make a scene! It's embarrassing and they'll call those stupid red coats!"

Jack turned to his daughter with a weak sigh then turned his head back to face the boy dangling in his hands. He brought his other hand up to poor Tucker's face and shook a finger in his face, "This time- ye' will be let off easy-but trust me ye' lil' treacherous wanker, the next time you screw up, in whatever manner I see unfit- there will be hell to pay"

The boy immediately shut his eyes in a rather comic way, as though expecting what was to come. Jack brought back his fist, flashed the boy a grin of his capped teeth and smacked right square in the jaw.

The people behind us gasped and quickly buzzed, "Hurry call the officers! Assault-"

Sensing the urgency to leave before the naval officers came I finally spoke up, "Jack I really think we should be going now"

It was then the girl noticed me, realizing that I had been standing there all along. She gave me an odd look when she realized that I had been staring at her the entire time I was speaking to Jack. Just from the look in her eyes I could tell that there were probably thousands of obscenities floating about her head. Then she smiled- at ME.

Only, her smile was cold and cruel.

He let the boy drop and turned around to where I stood shocked and his daughter stood looking rather irritated. With his usual drunkard laugh he questioned, "Now- who's up fer' a bite ter' eat?"

I couldn't tell what to think at this point, all these people where out of their bloody minds! And from now on I was to spend my days with them fearing for loss of my own sanity.

-

-Catalonìa's Point of View-

-

The pasta we had eaten for lunch was quite yummy, but it was the man who was sitting before me made it taste like stale powder. After lunch we spent the rest of the lit day was spent exploring artè shops and galleries which my father had found quite boring, and then at times amusing when we would pass by paintings of naked women. It was so embarrassing.

When the sun had begun to nestle itself behind the clouds my father left to go get the rest of the crew so that we could go back to the cove to bring the Pearl to the ports so the raid could begin.

I sat alone in the docked rowboat at the port waiting for my father to come back with the men. There was no way in hell I would walk another inch, I had already spent six hours walking about the town in my heels and my feet where on fire!

Then I heard someone from above me speak, "So your Jack's daughter?"

I quickly cocked my head to the side and saw Will lowering himself to get into the boat with me. I looked into his dark eyes and shrugged, "It would seem as though I am. Why, what where you expecting?"

I knew what he was expecting; allow me to paint a picture for you: My name would probably be Olga and I'd have numerous warts adorning my fat face, oh, and we just can't forget the moustache. I would be dressed in raggedy old breeches and a patched shirt and chances where could easily pass for a man. I'd probably have a massive unibrow stretching across my face and let's not forget the rotten capped teeth I'd have!

"Sorry to inform you, but I'm a girl and actually act like one" I muttered sarcastically as I pointed to my breasts. That made him blush and turn his eyes away from me to the water. After gaining back his composure he gave me his loose hand and sincerely smiled, "Well then it's nice to meet you. I don't think we really had a proper introduction back there"

How much more naïve could this man get? "Don't you fucking _get it, _William?" she growled

His smile didn't falter; instead he looked at me back with a jester-like grin, "Such language for a lady of your stature"

A cold laugh erupted from my lips, "My stature? Ha, there's a laugh"

He took his hand back and his smile was gone being replaced with look of concern, "Why's that m'lady?"

"Daughter of a Mexican whore and a pirate; can't get much higher than that can you?"

"Oh, I didn't know, I thought-"he sighed sadly, but I interrupted him.

"What's to know? Don't tell me your head was filled with the idea of a pirate being a romantic and my father had heroically saved some young lass or something" I laughed.

Then I decided to make things interesting- oh! I love playing with new toys.

"And then from the bowels of their passion, I was birthed- a love child" I said as I looked him straight in the eyes, scooting myself closer to him.

I put a hand on the back of the seat and leaned myself forward so I could lay my head on his chest. Then I brought one arm up sliding my hand up and down the back of his neck. This caused his to shudder and twitch as he tried to pull away from me. Sorry, not going to happen.

I then moved my hand and forcefully brought it down onto his thigh, and then I began to whisper sweet nothings to him. He wasn't fighting back anymore, it wasn't too hard to understand why, I knew what he wanted. My mother was only a whore and I wasn't some stupid little girl either. By doing this it would just make him easier to control later on.

Never had I ever kissed a boy, I was just a tease and there was no way in hell I was going far with this one. I knew what I was doing; I just love watching men think they've caught the fancy of a girl.

Men are playthings to be amuse yourself with, then as easily disposed of.

I rubbed my back against his chest and purred, "Don't you like this Will? Sitting here under the stars with _me_?" then I ran my hand down his thigh and gutturally whispered, "I'm guessing you haven't had any in awhile?"

"Tis' a shame isn't it?" I murmured as I brought my arm backwards so I could play with his hair.

I stopped my ministrations and went scooted to the side so I could easily grab his chin and turn it towards me, "Because I'm the only lady on board" then ii gave him a light peck under his ear, "And I'm still a maiden in waiting and there's no way in hell I'm giving myself to the likes of you" I ended as I brought his face forward, and ran my tongue along his cheek.

There was a loud creak from above me, and I noticed a few dark silhouettes standing on the dock. Then I squinted my eyes and noticed…it was my father and Mr. Gibbs. They stood there with their eyes wide in confusion, only Mr. Gibbs looked fearful for Will's safety.

I squeaked and let go of Will's chin as I flicked my wrist back, slapping it lightly as I nervously laughed, "Goodness William, no means no!"

This could not be happening, I was caught red-handed two times in one day, I swear this William is bad luck. Why do these things always happen to me?

**-**

**-**

**-**


	4. Odd Situation

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**.Dire Clandestine: The Tale of a Quixotic Love Affair**

_by: The Inflated Taco_

**o4: Odd Situation**

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**- **

**-**

She clenched her eyes shut, hoping with all her might her father was just an illusion. _How could this happen?_ She whipped her head up towards the dock to see her father already on the last step of the ladder.

This was not good.

Jack Sparrow leaped into the shoddy rowboat and turned around with such taut; creating so much tension that Will feared what was to come. None of this had been his fault! He had merely followed the misleading beauty in hopes of befriending her….Instead he had managed to himself cornered in a small boat with the girl's hand rubbing his thigh and tongue running down his rugged cheek. But it's not like he could tell Jack his darling daughter did that to him.

"Jack!" he said, his voice coming out a few notes higher, "Really…it's not what you think!"

The captains eyebrows shot up and an intimidating grin tore at his lips, "And what is it ye' thinks me thinkin' goin' on here'?"

Will drew his arms up in front of him weakly as Jack neared him. He nervously stole a glance at Catalonìa who blew him a silent kiss. _What a malicious child!_ He took a deep, self-assuring breath and turned his attention back to Jack, "You think that I…that I…"

How on earth could he find the words to say that **she **was the one who had him pinned against the side of the boat and was teasing him with immense skill? How could he even manage to say that what Jack was thinking was that some passionate reckless actions were taking place between his daughter and him? Even though it was most definitely untrue, he couldn't. So he did the next best thing: he kept silent.

"So what is it ye' was doing?" Jack questioned again as he tilted his head and tugged at the ends of his beard, "Because if ye' was doing what me most terribly fear think ye' was doin' to me poor virgin daughter…ye'd leave me no choice but to painfully punish ye' for ye'r immoral actions"

Jack took a step nearer to Will so that their faces were only centimeters apart, "And ye' have the impudence to call yeself' a good Christian man"

Jack looked up towards the dock to Mr. Gibbs who stood there stiff as a plank with his mouth partly open, "Gibbs! Does it look to ye' like Will ere' was takin' full advantage of me deary' luv's naïveté will the opposite sex!"

Will's mouth dropped. Naïveté? This girl…naïve?

Mr. Gibbs stood there awkwardly fiddling with the tie to his coat as he thought of the most appropriate thing to say. But before a single syllable could be uttered by Gibbs, Will spoke.

This was on his behalf…a very bad move.

"I was **NOT **taking advantage of your daughter! I had only gone to her simply to properly introduce myself."

"Properly introduce ye'self?" he chuckled as he took a step back to crane his neck up to look at Mr. Gibbs, "Ye' hear that, Gibbs? _Properly introduce his' self_… Har, is that what ye' squalid townies are callin' it now a' days?"

"I would **never **do such a thing to her!" Will said looking slightly taken aback, "Yes, even though I have devoted the rest of my years to the punishable life of piracy I do set my boundaries! Making a pass at 16 year old girls just happens to be one of the things I'd never do in a right state of mind no matter how _seductive_ she…"

Bad move.

Jack's eyes bulged out as Will ended his ethical speech. His baby girl…_seducing_? Will should have definitely reworded what he had just said. For some reason that had sounded much better in his head than it had when he said it. _(Dontcha' just hate when that happens?)_ Catalonìa swallowed back a throaty laugh as she saw complete mortification drain the color in Will's face.

"Ye' thinks me deary luv' is _seductive_?" he inquired slowly, adding livid emphasis on the last word. He placed his rough hand on Will's shoulder, "Could ye' really think such wicked, ill-minded thoughts about a child, Will?"

She rolled her eyes at that comment. Her? A child?

Will's eyes slid to the side so that he could get a final look at the being that would be the cause of him receiving immense physical pain.

She looked up at him from her bench through thick curled lashes; her lips were pursed as she bit back a devilish grin. She shifted in her seat, bringing her arms to the back of the wooden bench as to flash Will quite a bit of cleavage. **This **was no child.

Before his attention returned to Jack, he saw her raise her delicate little gloved hand to give him a final wave. And then…

**Splash!**

He was in the oceans cold water with a sharp pain dowsing his head and blood traveled down his nose to mix in the with the salty water. He paddled his way towards the boats edge and held on while his head cleared.

And just as quick as Jack had punched Will in the face, he turned back as though nothing a bit outlandish had happened. Jack looked up noticing the pirates who had come to the port had returned to the docks.

"So shall we be heading back to the Pearl?" he asked as with overdone enthusiasm as he pumped his fist into the air. Most of the men just stood on deck with perplexed and compassionate expressions on their grimy faces. With a scowl on his lips Jack bellowed, "What's with ye' bunch of sullied seadogs! If ye' dun' wish ter' come back to the Pearl then ye' can walk halfway across this blasted city to get back on board!"

The crew exchanged glances before all nodding in unison, "Eye"

**-**

**-**

**-**

Cannons and muskets sounded through the night air.

Catalonìa sat cross legged on her bed teasing at Jack with a golden trinket filled with peanut butter. She looked out her bedroom window, out at the scene playing out before her. Even from this far away she could see the Black Pearl's crew tormenting the residents of Port Royale. When the bright flashes flickered as the Pearl bombarded the port she could see the people running madly through the town away from the cold hearted pirates. During raids like these she'd remember that the men who had over time learned to steer clear of her where dangerous brutes who would have probably already had their way with her if not for her father's status.

A tug at the toy brought her out of her trance. She looked down at Jack who was sitting on his haunches yanking at the toy with all his might. He tugged harder and slapped at her hands in frustration.

She frowned and let go of the toy, "What crawled up your arse?"

Jack jerked his head up to give her a final growl before furiously gnawing at the toy to claim it as his own. She stared blankly at the monkey for quite some time as she watched little Jack furiously inhale the peanut butter while thoughts of her father drifted about in her head. She thought back of the day they had met, how she had been a shy little thing in dire need of an actual loving parent.

And she got one.

The instant her little dirty hands had wrapped themselves around his neck back in the Mexico she knew there would never be another person in her life as great as her father, Captain Jack Sparrow. She furrowed her perfectly tweezed eyebrows and fell back onto the bed with a loud groan as she thought of the other important person in her fathers life.

"And what of this toad William Turner?"

Roughly, she grabbed the monkey and sat him on her stomach. Jack just looked at her shut his eyes and yawned seeming most uninterested in the topic.

"He is quite boring isn't he?" she questioned as she scratched the back of the monkeys fuzzy little head, "I bet right_ now_ that arse' is with my father getting drunk off their asses. I hope they all awaken tomorrow with the worst hangovers of their life."

She tossed her head back and her eyes once looked out the window, and what she saw slightly confused her.

Port Royale was nowhere to be seen.

And she hadn't even felt the boat begin to move.

She got off the bed making her way to the window. When she saw nothing but open water in every general direction a pout pulled at the corners of her lips and she angrily drew the curtains. _This was not fair!_ Yes, she knew that the raid was to take place tonight…but just the feeling of knowing that she'd be trapped on a ship for weeks at a time that got to her.

With her hands crossed over her chest, she heatedly turned back to her bed. Only, when she turned back she noticed that her only _faithful_ buddy had gone off, leaving her **completely** alone.

Stupid undead monkey.

**-**

**-**

**-**

At this particular moment there could've only been one word that described what Will Turner was…

Drunk.

He'd never been much of a drinker; in fact he never really acquired the unpleasant taste of alcohol. But that night seemed to be most suited to reckless and indulging behavior. So he drank.

As Port Royale received a merciless beating at the hands of pirates he simply watched while he leaned against the Pearl's railing with a crusty bottle of aged rum in hand. As the town's buildings took the onslaught of cannons he couldn't really help but let a sad smile twist at his lips.

After everything that damned town put him through, all the pain; the loves, the losses, the lack of appreciation, the heartbreak….He felt such sadistic glee as he watched all his inner sorrows shower the town in the form of his comrades crew.

This was too good.

What he'd give to march into that port, sword in hand and pistol resting on his belt and climb up the steps to Norrington's manor. Oh, he'd have that mans heart bleed just as his was doing now.

A sharp pain in his fingers drew him out of his vengeful thoughts. He had been grasping the railing too hard. He looked at the ends of his nails and tips of his fingers; they were horribly splintered. In his state there was no way he'd manage to remove them. Hell, he couldn't even see too straight.

He shook his head. How could he even be thinking such horrid things? If Elizabeth knew what thoughts had been jumping about in his head a few moments ago she's surely have been disappointed in him.

_Elizabeth_…

He took another swing of the nearly empty bottle as an image of her hauntingly beautiful face resurfaced in the back of his mind.

Alas, it seemed the rum was having effects opposite to those he had hoped for. Instead of drowning out the love that had left him, it seemed to multiply his sorrows.

When the bottle was empty he angrily hurled it into the endless sea. He staggered his way down the steps to where the cabin that should've gone to Mr. Gibbs was. Only Mr. Gibbs didn't seem much to care much for the room because he never used it so it had become the storage for the _princess's _spring dresses.

He reached a slightly ajar door, presuming it to be his because there was only this one and another he assumed was locked. He entered the room and would have realized it were not his had he been in a clearer state of mind.

The room was being kept lit by a cinnamon scented candle burning on the nightstand. Will slowly managed to make himself to the immensely cushioned bed. He let himself fall onto the mass of comforters, sheets and feathered pillows.

This was a mistake…

The moment his drunken body collapsed into the sheets he felt something lumpy and warms start writhing beneath him. It took him a while to realize that this squirming thing was also making an attempt to scream from under the ocean of sheets.

His eyes started to feel too heavy to keep open and awareness would have left him had the squirming thing under him not elbowed him **hard** in the groin.

With a groan he rolled onto his side and curled into a ball trying to recover from the painful blow. He felt the bed move slightly from under him but could have cared less as to the reason why because again he felt the need to shut his eyes.

"What the fuck do **you** think you're doing here!" a panicked voice shrieked from beside him.

He lazily opened one eye and saw what looked like an angel. Well, it could have been an angel had it not had this angry expression on its face. Then his other eye opened and he looked her up and down.

"You're really pretty" he slurred as his hazy eyes met with hers. "Ye' mad at me lil' fairy?"

She scoffed and drew her head back in detest, "What the hell were you drinking?"

Then a worried expression drowned out all her anger, "They didn't stumble upon certain _herbs_ again did they? Damnit! I'm on a boat full of crewman on cloud 9!"

At this point he really wasn't paying much attention to the hullabaloo coming out of her mouth. His eyes traveled down her neck to her shoulders and it's just needless to say where they stopped. His dark eyes glazed over as every poignant thought of Elizabeth left his mind as the sudden urge to want to touch _them_ struck him all at once.

But he felt too sluggish to move so instead he just lay there and watched as they danced around to the pointless noises she made and panicked waving of her hands. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there doing that before he felt her hand jerk his chin and her demanding voice dragged him out of his daze, "Look at me!"

"I'm lookin'…" he mumbled as his eyes shifted from her breasts to her face.

Her eyes squinted as to gain focus in the candlelight as she studied his face, "On deck, is my father smoking any odd smelling buds, leaved, stems?" she questioned as she snapped her hand back and brought it up to massage her temples, "I swear the last time he did…everything just became a mess. It's the last thing I need right now."

Everything she had just said only went in one ear and out the other because he didn't even seem to acknowledge her presence anymore. Instead his eyes rolled back in his head and he rolled over to his side.

He passed out…

Fantastic.

She drew her hand back and slapped him fiercely across the face, "Wake up and get the hell outta' my room you euro-trash toad!"

He only grunted in response.

"Fine" she reasoned as she brushed her dark disheveled hair behind her ear, "If you don't want to move on your own…I'll just have to do it for you."

With a cruel grin on her face she threw all of her weight forward, slamming with her open hands into Will's side.

This did nothing but cause yet another slothful grunt to surface from deep in his throat.

"Move!" she shrieked as she made yet another attempt at pushing the unconscious body off of her bed.

Nothing.

So again she rammed him in the side with all the strength she could muster.

And with an annoyed mumble he turned over onto his side.

To put it lightly, Catalonìa was angry. He ha the nerve to barge into her chambers in the middle of the night , pounce on her while she was asleep and then make room for his drunkard body on **her** bed.

This wasn't good.

What kind of girl would let some _man _lie with her in bed if they were not wed? A town whore that's who….and she was neither. What would her father think!

She grabbed a goose down pillow and released all her frustration on the drunk pirate. Blow after blow struck his back and head; feathers floated around the room and he didn't even seem to care.

When the pillow was nothing more but an empty purple sack she sighed and slumped beneath the sheets.

In the 11 hours she's come to know him she's come to the conclusion that this man, William Turner, was everything that she found annoying bundled up in one complete package.

And here this package lay, drunk as a skunk on her bed.

**-**

**-**

**-**

Hmm...after writing all this I have come to the conclusion that I like the word hullabaloo. I want to let ya'll know that I will be finishing this story…soon.

I'm so proud of myself this week I've updated all 3 of my stories! And I guess which ever I get the most reviews for will be the one I'll be updating sooner! DUH!

I hope this chapter wasn't too boring, I had fun writing it And I really want to thank my last reviewer who like slapped me in the face and made me remember that this story existed.

**I luv' you all! C'mon drop me a line!**


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